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maggots in the meat case (where i work, ::sigh::, not the most inspiring thing to hear about when you get to work), low quarter earnings, recalled beef,. Fuck, man, get it together WFM. You need a better PR agent. You suck at representing yourself lately.

trying...


i'm starting to try to write a little every day again. I've been sick sick for the last few days. Have you heard about the guy leaving cash around san francisco? Predictably, a lot of people here are mad about it. Go figure. Gotta love san francisco, no one likes anything here.. except getting high or drunk and staring into space. People love to criticize the way in which anyone else takes action. They love to point out how wrong any move you make is and how you're actually just hurting things.  Yet, they don't do anything about their own problems like all the homeless they step over daily or the huge wage gap or really bad public transit. Headquarters for slacktivism.

The fact that my apartment is 'cheap', in fact, it is below market price, is in a way even more ridiculous than what i went through in NYC. My apartment, in a gentrifying neighborhood, in the center of a bunch of clubs and hangouts hipster fucking restaurants and close to a lot of public transit its cheap. All the cheap apartments are in this neighborhood. Of course it is still a pretty meth/crack infested neighborhood with homeless people every 5 feet. Do you want to know how much it costs? $1425 and its a studio. That's below market rate. That is 'cheap'. But yes, it is still nicer than pretty much any of my nyc apartments and cost less than any of them and i don't have to move out at the end of the year. but they were in nyc and i could get anywhere within 20 minutes and there was not a lot of vacancy there. Whereas here, there are tons of 'for rent' signs on buildings and still some silly someone moved in and agreed to pay $2000.month for rent. I don't know how everyone is getting frauded. Its very strange. but whatever. I feel another tech bubble expanding too fast.

I really need to get out more. The internet is depressing.

placemarker for v-neck annoyance


i'm not nearly in the same state of mind i was when i was thinking about this last night, but, people need to get over breasts. Because I am curvy, I see this first hand frequently. If you wear a v neck t-shirt it can mean several things, its hot, you don't like how collars feel, it's hard to find a collared shirt that actually fits across the width of your chest and you need the extra room. If you wear a v neck shirt and you have large breasts, people infer you want to show them off. Nope, i want to wear a vneck for the same reason anyone else does, i just have different genetics than you. Plus, they really don't make normal t-shirt to fit over breasts without stretching and ruining the fit of the shirt or the integrity of the picture printed on it. Plus, its hot outside and having two lumps of fat on your chest only makes things hotter, i'd rather have a cleavage line than two breast shaped sweat stains.

Let's get this straight, i did not choose to have breasts to make you uncomfortable. They grew on their own. However, you are choosing to be uncomfortable when you notice that i have them. that's on you. If you face the fact that people have them, guess what, its a lot less exciting. Kind of like ankles, thighs, stomachs. They're exciting when you want them to be, but most of the time, its just hot outside.

I'd also like to point out that there are not many clothing choices that would hide the fact that they are there. You can be completely covered to the neck and guess what? you'll still notice them. Just watch madmen, look at joan, does she wear low cut tops? nope, maybe twice in the span of the show, but i bet you are fully aware of her large breasts.

So, cut it out, women with large breasts aren't trying to get your attention, they just have breasts. You are the one making a big deal out of it. Don't sexualize breasts and they won't be sexual. Just look what happened with ankles, once it became normal to show them the world didn't fall apart did it?

The next time you are criticizing someone for dressing slutty and 'showing them off', think to yourself, is that the case or are you just criticizing someone for having breasts?

Cloud Atlas


For some reason I thought of this today. i never wrote it down when i watched that damn movie. It was one of the most offensive things i've seen. First offense, they used really awful distracting make up instead of paying more actors. Stop with the whole 'it fits the reincarnation' theme, you just didn't want to pay people. Also, the make up is awful. It was hard to follow the story because i was noticing the horrid make up and trying to figure out how that character was the other character in the other scene because it was the same actor. It also made everyone look really strange. STUPID. The reincarnation theme was mostly absent. The characters that should have been the same character were not, everyone mostly played little side characters (except hugo weaving who was always evil). It was fucking ridiculous and why has no one told them the make up is awful?!

Secondly, this movie was a huge controversy because there was a protest for it not having any asian actors. This whole argument pissed me the fuck off because every single radio complaint i heard on talk radio mentioned that there was "not a single' asian actor, despite that Doona Bae and Xun Zhou are part of cast. I guess women don't count. pretty fucked up protestors. Yes, you can protest that there were not enough asian actors, but the articles and complaints were saying there weren't any. Because, you know, women aren't people, duh.

Third, speaking of making races with makeup instead of using actors of the race portrayed, where were the hispanics? There are very few articles mentioning that no hispanic actors were hired, despite the protest of the lack of (enough) asians.. This film is offensive not only in being an awful film, but having an offensive response to its awfulness as well. Not only are there no hispanic actors, the one hispanic part is an illegal immigrant that stereotypically yells in spanish at everyone and then runs from what she interprets as la migra. COME ON.

Fourth, the use of the really badly done make up is explained away as a device to make us work through or own comfortableness or lack thereof with race, then why is using yellowface okay, but using blackface not? Why are teh black men in the film always black while the rest of the characters change races? Is the black male soul always a black male? why is this? oh right, because maybe the film makers are blind to their own racism.

This all leads me to believe that the 'racial' make up was used to drum up the controversy and get people to go see it, instead of actually making any valid point in the story and producing a good film.

fuck you cloud atlas. just fuck right off. you and your bad make up. 

Day 16



  • breakfast tacos containing refried beans and hasbrowns

  • plant burger, i took it out of the bun and put it on top of salad (source's burger is better)

  • oogave watermelon cream soda (agave sweetened)

  • Lyfe Kitchen tofu tacos and grilled artichoke

  • beer

  • samples of goat cheese, cocoa nib paste, and cactus chips at the farmer's market

that was my last semi-authentic engine 2 day, then vacation took over. I made it 16 days into the 28 day challenge.

Day 15


Lost 1 pound

  • didn't caramelize the banana this time and stuck it in the freezer after blending. It made a kind of grainy chocolate pudding

  • 3 breakfast tacos

  • a refried beans and guacamole quesadilla and a pint of cut pineapple. Also, baked corn chips with guacamole (and the discovery that pineapple on guacamole is delicious)

  • sparkling berry flavored water

  • a white out pizza frome xtreme pizza on wheat. I added spinach and garlic and lots of hot sauce

  • a cup of rooibos tea with honey and cashew milk

  • a chocolate brownie pure bar (kind of like a larabar)

Day 14


14 more days to go. Giving up oil starts tomorrow, that's the hardest part. I've already started doing that in my cooking, but still had a few oily dishes from restaurants. i woke up hungry last night and was really hungry when i got up this morning. I don't know if that's a pasta thing or what. seems like i should've been plenty full.

  • I caramelized a banana and then blended it with mayan cocoa and water until it was hot. This was pretty delicious, but it coagulated suddenly and turned into pudding. It'd probably be delicious, but kinda weird hot.

  • 3 breakfast tacos. I added eggplant hummus into the chorizo last night. It helped it get some creaminess and made it seem more sausage like. Corn tortillas, tempeh chorizo, hashbrowns, salsa, hot sauce.

  • a tangerine

  • leftovers from source- fries with spinach artichoke dip. hella oily and my last oily meal for awhile.

  • a banana

  • cup of ginger puerh tea

  • leftover mac and cheeze with a generous amount of HotLime Green sauce (dude, i loved this hot sauce)

  • moroccan mint Honest Tea

  • lime sparkling water

  • 2/3 of a Righteously Raw Caramel bar

  • peanut butter and pickle quesadilla (it was 1 am after inventory i couldn't think of a better quick snack)

Mango Jam


I don't know if you'd really call it jam since it isn't cooked. Mango relish maybe? I googled after i made this, and its similar to a dish called 'gulamba', except i didn't use jaggery. Anyway, it is delicious and intended to be used as one would use jam.

Orange Mango Relish
one mango
one orange
2 TBS chia seeds
2 generous teaspoons date syrup
vanilla TT
cinnamon TT
cardamom TT

Place all but 1 TBS of chia seeds into vitamix. Blend. I left it sorta chunky. Pour into jar and stir in last TBS of chia seeds. Enjoy.

Its delicious. really. glad i experimented with that.
Jaggery is an unrefined dark brown sugar, i'd like to get my hands on some and make real gulamba.

Day 13



  • Breakfast tacos with corn tortillas, hashbrowns with green chiles, onions, and shredded carrots added and tempeh chorizo, all topped with salsa. I added eggplant hummus to the last one and it was so much better.

  • cup of the ginger puerh mayan hot chocolate combo

  • lots of snacking on 'the curry' and eggplant hummus with baked tortilla chips and brown rice crackers.

  • Bites of peanut butter and orange and mango jam to taste the recipes

  • the last valentine truffle, it was the cherry vanilla truffle, delicious

  • a salad (red leaf lettuce, tiny bit of radish, carrots, celery, tomato, balsamic vinegar), dry roasted brussel sprouts with lemon, cajun seasoing, and ume plum vinegar, mac and cheeze (whole wheat spirals with vitamix not-so sauce and peas; i added a head of roasted garlic to the not-so, but you couldn't even taste it). i had a lot of the mac.

Soy Chorizo


without all the gross tvp and oil

8 oz tempeh
TBS chili powder
TBS chile powder (i used smoked poblano)
TBS garam masala (turns out this is the exact spice mix in a lot of tex mex)
sprinkle of chipotle powder
sprinkle of smoked paprika
tsp mexican oregano
sprinkle of granulated garlic (will prob adjust this in the future)
3 TBS apple cider vinegar

crumble tempeh. Combine all ingredients and mix together. Let sit overnight.

we'll see how it turned out in the morning. i'm thinking if i ever want that drippy greasiness of chorizo, adding red palm oil would do it (and be bright scary orange like chorizo should be)

After trying it this morning, I'd probably reduce the garam and add more cumin, also some tamari or aminos and definitely will be adding the red palm oil when the 28 day challenge is over.. 

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deceiverofmen
Rat Poison Daughter of a Suicide

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